In today’s digital world, dating apps can feel like a fast‑paced sales pitch where people compare themselves to items on sale. A researcher who has spent decades studying relationships says this focus on “mate value” is a myth that makes dating feel more like a job than a journey. He argues that real connection comes from sharing experiences and discovering whether two people truly fit together, rather than chasing superficial traits.

The scientist’s new book challenges the idea that men and women look for completely different things. He shows that most people actually want a supportive partner who celebrates their successes and stands by them during tough times. According to his research, the key is building a secure attachment that can grow over time.

When it comes to meeting people, the author suggests stepping out of online swipes and into real life. Activities such as sports teams, cooking classes or simply catching up with old coworkers can create natural opportunities for new connections. He believes that frequent, short “coffee dates” are less useful than longer interactions where both people can learn how they behave together in different settings.

The book also warns about the danger of letting artificial intelligence replace real human interaction. While technology can help us meet new people, it should not become the only way we connect. The future of dating, he predicts, will involve a mix of online tools and in‑person experiences that keep us from losing the ability to truly understand another person.

Finding Love Beyond the Numbers

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